Lately I've been bogged down by a Big Project at work. Ordinarily I don't let things like that interfere with my normal routine or level of happiness. However, I really wanted to get this project done before we left for our Big Vacation (tonight) so I spent more time than usual fretting, which takes a surprising amount of time and energy.
However, recently I was inspired by a "new" friend on Facebook. She's a former high school classmate who has moved far away and became the owner of this fitness club. While I was feeling weighted down by the Big Project I felt like I was getting away from myself and started down the path of a major pity party. Then I saw a video she had posted on FB of her running and working out in way that I had used to, not even that long ago. The video was meant to be inspirational and it was eventually, after it initially depressed me. I felt like I was watching the former me (circa 2009) in that video and I had to wonder where I had been.
Well that's easy. When I get up in the morning I hobble to the bathroom because both feet are sore, apparently from sleeping. I have to make sure I take a pill every day so that I don't grow any internal polyps or cysts. When I make breakfast, pack my lunch and plan for dinner I have to make sure those meals don't include any dairy, corn, wheat, almonds or anything that I might've eaten in the last 4 days. I need to make sure I take a probiotic, two PTSD supplements, Vitamin B, and iron. Wow, I can really tell a sad story about someone who is generally very healthy and more active than my average peers.
What is interesting is putting my former 2009 self and the picture of who I feel like I've become in 2 years side by side. Is the 2009 me possible again? Sure, with some adjustments. I'm still figuring out those adjustments. But I've realized that I need to set some goals. Mostly my goal setting has resembled goal "settling" because I've envisioned goals that are within the limits of how I've felt the last year and a half. That's definitely not the way to set goals.
The way to set goals is to envision climbing K2 (for example) then figure out how to do it in achievable, incremental steps. Lately I've been finding more excuses to not want to achieve things out of 1) fear (three of my mentors died in accidents in the last year), 2) pain (my feet), and 3) because I just haven't felt good. Food allergies interfere with digestion, which can wreak havoc on the metabolism, thyroid, cause anemia, insomnia, and anxiety. All of which I've been a poster child. However, I now have the diagnosis and the means to the cure at least for item 3. For item 2, the pain in my feet, I can stretch more regularly. It does help. Also eating the right foods reduces the amount of bodily inflammation including in my feet. Time is the only cure for item 1. That, and practicing risk management in the backcountry.
The final thing is to not let Big Projects and Big Vacation plans stand in the way of my daily priorities, which include even a little daily exercise. I miss exercise if I don't do some every day. My last real exercise was Monday (today is Thursday, which may not seem like a big deal). However, I immediately notice that my blood pressure goes up and my sense of humor and well-being fade if I don't exercise. Let that be a lesson!
It's said that the teacher appears when the student is ready. Apparently Teresa was my teacher with good timing and an inspirational video. Today I will do a little exercise because I can. And the sun is shining.
Aw, Corinna. You just got bogged down with life. You are one of the most active people that I know and you are awfully hard on yourself, which you know. I had to smile at K2 and envisioning it in incremental steps. For me personally (I was NEVER athletic like you are), it's envisioning a walk to the Redondo Beach Village and back. I'm sorry you are not feeling well; you are way too young for that.
Enjoy your trip to Boston and I just hope you aren't plagued with Hurricane Irene.
Posted by: Fran aka Redondowriter | August 25, 2011 at 08:58 PM
Corrina -- we are always hardest on ourselves, aren't we? You are quite an inspiration of activity to me anyway! I'm learning about dealing with inflammation, so I am thinking I will l follow your path of discovery. Starting off with finding what foods may be doing me more harm than good. That means caffeine and sugar, which are my 2 favorite food groups! Getting to the point of not worth it anymore, tho. Have a great trip and enjoy your well-earned break!
Posted by: Corinne Story | August 26, 2011 at 08:43 PM
Hey Corrina, I look to YOU for inspiration and there is always someone one upping us on whatever we pursue. Yah, feet and gut issues can surely depress,feel crappy AND worry us. But your body is your friend not your enemy and it is trying to get you to listen and you are. As you get older you deal with this with more regularity.....not pretty , but you deal. I have the anxiety of shit, I better do this NOW or when will I???Hey, I could show you some feet rubbing techniques, I do before a backpack or long hike.Thanks for being so honestly open in your blog. We can all relate.xoxo,Rosann
Posted by: Rosann Wuebbels | September 15, 2011 at 06:54 AM